Put Your Eggs in My Basket

A few weeks ago I had lunch with a visiting-from-D.C. Jonathan Rockett (and Roxanne) at El Cholo in Santa Monica, and between the two of them they had enough margaritas to put a buffalo into a coma. A couple weeks after that, I bumped into Mayo Best on the streets of Glendale because he had moved out from D.C. to continue his acting career after he finished a stint as a regular on The Wire. What do these two encounters have in common besides the obvious D.C. one?

In 2002, both Jonathan and Mayo co-starred in the world premiere production of Boyz of All Nationz: The Rise and Fall of a Multi-Ethnic Boy Band. Jonathan was "the white one," and Mayo was "the black one," and all the actors invested so much into the idea of this boy band that they all began to strangely resemble one, complete with backstage gossip and group infighting. I had a blast.

Even today, when people ask me what my favorite play is written by me, I immediately cite Boyz of All Nationz. (BOAN for short; and their fans are called "BOAN-ers.") Despite it's deceptively cheesy surface, it is my most thematically complex and multi-layered work. It tackles issues of art vs. commerce, personal identity vs. mainstream popularity, and the complicated ways in which artists struggle against outside forces—which never seem to be as cruel as the struggle against themselves.

Of course, that's not how we tried to sell it. The on-hiatus ASIA Theatre in Arlington, Virginia, pitched the world premiere exactly like I wanted it to be pitched:

Before 'NSync. Before the Backstreet Boys. Before O-Town. One band was poised to change the face of pop music. They had rhythm. They had soul. They had color. Boyz of All Nationz is a bubblegum ride behind the scenes of a groundbreaking group that (almost) took the world by storm. Their talent was in question, their lives were ridiculed, and their hair didn't move. But with number one hit singles such as "Put Your Eggs In My Basket" and "Oh Let Me Lay You Down (I Wanna Lick You Up)" and their prominent place on the shelves of preteen girls, their growing popularity and power could not be denied. This new play delves into the catchy tunes, the controversy, the choreography, and the clothing of four boys who had the brawn, one manager who had the brains, and a million fans who had the money.

I mean, c'mon, doesn't that sound like the best play ever? Some friends of mine in Los Angeles keep threatening to mount a production, and I keep daring them to do it. People who saw that production years ago still hum tunes from it, as I full well expect them to. After all, it is my crowning achievement.

The only real evidence of this play's existence and brilliance is a crappy-quality live video recording, from which I made a crappy MP3 file of BOAN performing the remarkably catchy "Put Your Eggs in My Basket" (written by me and the amazing Kevin Kirby). I wish, oh, I wish you could see the brilliantly ridiculous, hip-thrusting chroeography. But this MP3 will have to do. (Rounding out the band was Chris Galindo as "the Hispanic one" and Steve Lee as "the Asian one.")

Below are the lyrics to the song since they all don't come through on the recording. If you can hear past the really shoddy MP3 quality (I tried my best!), you will discover a gem of a song that will haunt you all week long.

Click here to listen to "Put Your Eggs in My Basket." (Right click to save onto your computer.)

If that doesn't work, try this link.

PUT YOUR EGGS IN MY BASKET
MUSIC & LYRICS BY PRINCE GOMOLVILAS & KEVIN KIRBY

PUT YOUR EGGS IN MY BASKET
WHOA WHOA WHOA WHOA WHOA
IF YOU’VE GOT A QUESTION, ASK IT
WHOA WHOA WHOA WHOA WHOA
WHOA, WHOA, WHOA…
JUST GIMME YOUR EGGS

GIMME YOUR EGGS BABE, WHADDYA SAY
GIMME ONE MORE CRACK AT YOU
GIMME A CHANCE TO WHISK YOU AWAY
GIMME THREE MINUTES AND SEE WHAT I DO

PUT YOUR EGGS IN MY BASKET
WHOA WHOA WHOA WHOA WHOA
IF YOU’VE GOT A QUESTION, ASK IT
WHOA WHOA WHOA WHOA WHOA
WHOA, WHOA, WHOA…
JUST GIMME YOUR EGGS

YOU GOT UNDER MY SHELL, AND YOU BROKE IT APART
THEN I FELL SO HARD I BROKE MY LEGS
WHEN YOU SAID WE WERE THROUGH, IT NEARLY BROKE MY HEART
BUT TO MAKE AN OMELETTE, THEY SAY YOU GOTTA BREAK SOME EGGS

YOU, YOU NEVER KNEW HOW MUCH I CRIED
THE DAY I THOUGHT OUR LOVE HAD DIED
YOU MUSTA THOUGHT THAT I WAS TOO HARD BOILED
AND I, I NEVER KNEW HOW HARD YOU TRIED
I NEVER KNEW YOU FELT SO FRIED
I NEVER GUESSED YOUR PAN WAS LIGHTLY OILED

PUT YOUR EGGS IN MY BASKET
WHOA WHOA WHOA WHOA WHOA
WHAT YOU FEEL, YOU MUSN’T MASK IT
WHOA WHOA WHOA WHOA WHOA
WHOA, WHOA, WHOA…
JUST GIMME YOUR EGGS

YOU’RE AS SWEET AS CUSTARD, AS STICKY AS MERINGUE
YOU’RE AS RICH AS ANY SOUFFLE
YOU GET ME DRUNK LIKE EGG NOG, BABE
PLEASE DON’T TAKE MY SUNNY-SIDE-UP AWAY

JUST PUT YOUR EGGS IN MY BASKET
WHOA WHOA WHOA WHOA WHOA
DON’T BE COLD LIKE ALASKA
WHOA WHOA WHOA WHOA WHOA
WHOA, WHOA, WHOA…
JUST GIMME YOUR EGGS

DON’T WANT NO OSTRICH EGG, DARLIN’
(Spoken:) PLEASE DON’T LET IT BE OVER EASY
DON’T WANT NO ROBIN EGG, BABE
(Spoken:) TELL THAT OTHER GUY TO PUT AN EGG IN HIS SHOE AND BEAT IT
DON’T WANT NO SALMON EGGS, HONEY
(Spoken:) HEY, WHO LET THAT FOX IN THE HENHOUSE
DON’T WANT NO DINOSAUR EGGS
(Spoken:) WHO SAYS REAL MEN DON’T EAT QUICHE

JUST WANT YOUR EGGS, YOUR EGGS, YOUR EGGS IN MY BASKET
GIMME YOUR EGGS, YOUR EGGS, YOUR EGGS IN MY BASKET
GIMME YOUR EGGS, YOUR EGGS, YOUR EGGS
JUST GIMME YOUR EGGS