Frequently Assed Questions: The Official Drake Bell Post

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[Frequently Assed Questions is a new occasional feature written expressly for first-time readers. You see, a chunk of this blog's traffic comes from people who accidentally stumble onto it after doing a search on Google. Usually, they don't find what they're looking for. But I want them to. I really do. So I will be posting the actual keywords that people typed which eventually led them here, and I will then respond to them to the best of my ability.]

Hi, new readers, you have found this blog because you typed one of the following sets of keywords into Google:

* drake bell's cock
* drake bells cock
* drake bell cock
* drake bell cock pics
* drake bell penis
* drake bell's penis
* drake bell pictures of his dick
* drake bell crotch

For those of you who have been scouring the Internet for a glimpse of Drake Bell's sausage and meatballs, I can definitively tell you that you are out of luck. There are no known pictures of Drake Bell's cock/penis/dick/man-spear anywhere online. (Believe me, I've spent hours looking.) I did see a fake photo of Drake and his erect member once, but, again, it was a Photoshopped phony—and I can't find it anymore, sorry.

[Update 08.25.09: A fake pic of Drake and his naked cock just surfaced. Thanks to the anonymous commenter who provided the link. Totally NSFW!]

As for the person who was innocently looking for just "drake bell crotch," well, that's easy. The cover of his terrific sophomore album, It's Only Time, doubles as a testament to his package:


Also, in Superhero Movie, he changes into his costume while running down an alleyway, and you get a peek of him in his tighty whities. Here's an underwear screencap, pervs!:


Other keywords:

* drake bell naked
* drake bell nude
* drake bell naked pics
* naked pics of drake bell
* drake bell naked photo
* drake bell naked pic
* drake bell is naked.com
* pictures of drake bell naked
* does drake bell get naked
* does drake bell ever get naked
* drake bell fully naked
* drake bell fully naked pics
* completely naked drake bell
* drake bell really naked

Unfortunately, the only place you can see Drake Bell completely naked is in my imagination. As for various other states of undress, you can find him shirtless on Drake & Josh and in Superhero Movie and College—but in College (which I haven't seen) you supposedly get a peek at his ass too. (I am now a hero to teen girls around the globe! Worship me!)

More keywords:

* drake bell gay
* drake bell gay article
* drake bell gay naked
* drake bell gay photos
* drake bell gay pics
* drake bell gay proof
* drake bell is gay

Because of the industry I'm in, I get the rundown on who's gay and who's not from various reliable sources—so reliable that I won't even talk about who's gay and who's not on this blog because my information is so true it could get me shot and killed. As much as I enjoy picturing Drake Bell participating in man orgies every night, I don't think he is gay. I've heard that he likes the ladies. A lot. That is, until he meets me and I convert him to the dark side with the power of my gaze. I will have you some day, Drake Bell, I will have you!

More keywords:

* drake bell republican

A model of human perfection as beautiful and talented as Drake Bell can't possibly be a Republican. And that's all I have to say about that.

More keywords:

* drake bell horny

Well, yes, he is. After all, he is male.

Finally:

* i want to fuck drake bell

That seems more like a declaration than a Google search. But I will second that notion.

And there you have it, new readers. You're welcome!


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BAMBOO NATION: Frequently Assed Questions: The Official Drake Bell Post
Frequently Assed Questions: The Official Drake Bell Post
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